The lights dimmed, the curtains drew, and the man who we all love came onto the stage to the sound of a cheering audience. My sister only found out about Eric Idle’s show a few days before his performance. When she told me, I knew this was an opportunity of a lifetime, and if we didn’t grab it, we would regret it for the rest of our lives. After all, why would Mr. Idle come to a tiny town in Southern Ontario, Canada? Of all theatres in the world, why would our favorite Python come to Kitchener’s Centre in the Square?
It all started when my sister Elena and I, watched Monty Python’s the Meaning of Life last year on a school holiday. The problem was that we were under the age of 18, and if our parents found out, we would have gotten in major trouble. We had kept it a secret for a while, until last summer, when our dad encouraged our mother to watch this British comedy. When I heard it, I laughed, and we gave it away. They took it well. So you may wonder, what does this have to do with the Greedy Bastard Tour? Simple really, if we had not seen this movie, or even told our parents, we would never have attended.
After being dropped off at the theatre, we anxiously ran up the stairs to find the balcony (Yes, we had crappy seats – That’s what we get for getting the tickets on short notice!), and while waiting, we babbled on about how excited we were. So at 8:00p.m., when Eric Idle stepped on stage, we immediately knew this was a memorable moment we would cherish forever.
One of the most interesting opening statements I have ever heard on any show is this lovely quote from Eric to the audience: "If you’re here for Billy Idol, although he is a nice guy, fuck off!" No offense to Billy Idol, but I find this statement overwhelming, warm and welcoming, because it gave colour to Eric’s introduction. It was not just some boring, unoriginal: "Good evening ladies and gentlemen." Plus, this introduction gave us fair warning for what we were in for. He told the audience the purpose of this show: "I’m putting my daughter through college, and my wife has a degree in shopping; hence, the Greedy Bastard Tour." Furthermore, he explained "a new method used in show business": The Encore Bucket, which looked like an ordinary metal garbage can. During the intermission, people could donate items or money into the bucket. The amount in donations would determine the amount of encores after the show.
After the encore bucket, he moved on to today’s use of the word "spam," unwanted e-mails: "I get several e-mails everyday offering me to enlarge my penis by three or four inches, all of which I accept. As a result, I have a 9-foot long penis." Then he sang "The Legendary Penis Song." I couldn’t help but notice that this guy lives in luxury; he had his own personal helper who put on Eric’s guitar for him… for each song!
As we go further into the concert, he introduced the rest of the characters of the show; the first being John Du Prez, Idle’s long-time collaborator; American comedienne Jennifer Jullian, who Idle described as having a "degree in lap dancing from the University of Phoenix Online;" and a conspicuous "so-called" volunteer, Peter Crabbe, who came up onto the stage from the audience and tried to answer questions game show style questions. Each answered wrong.
Eric also insulted Canadian beer during the Bruces’ performance. He complained that our beer is so watered down: "Your beer is like two people making love in a canoe; too fucking close to water!" Most of the audience booed at this comment, but I think it’s true (Not through personal experience), but I’ve heard that Australian, German, and Irish beer is better from people I know. Then they sang "the Philosopher’s Beer Drinking Song" and the audience sang gleefully as followed along with "the world’s largest song script". It could be seen clearly from the balcony where Elena and I sat. Then they easily flipped it around and we all sang "Sit on My Face" He himself also joked, "I wonder why my songs are so filthy. Then I look at you lot!"
Peter Crabbe also did his own bit in an autumn home security sketch: "The leaves aren’t pretty, they’re DYING! Give them there last moments in peace! It’s not like they go down to Boston, rake up human corpses, jump on them, and call it a second Honeymoon!"
Eric’s interaction with the audience was masterful, from his good-natured joking to his tolerance of comments screamed by audience members. During the "Four Yorkshiremen," sketch, an audience member in the front seats yelled out the next line in the sketch. Eric’s comment: "Oh she knows this line," and then kept going as planned. Later on, she interrupted with another line, and Eric’s remark: "Fuck off! These people paid money!" He walked over to the area where the sound came from and yelled at her: "You want your own show? FUCK OFF!" He then asked the audience to join him in a prayer for her death, a task everyone eagerly accepted.
The second half of the show was an autobiographical journey through Eric’s life, from the story of his father’s accidental death on his way home from WWII Christmas Eve (followed immediately by the song "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life"), to his life in boarding school, where he learned to strip a rife in 30 seconds (leading to "All Things Dull and Ugly").
"Not a day in my life passes without someone saying ‘Monty Python,’" he explained. He is often asked when Monty Python will get back together: "I don’t know, Tuesday, Fuck." It is impossible to have a full reunion due to Chapman’s death, as we all know; but he revealed another reason: "The truth is," he assured us, "nobody wants Python to get back together. They just want to be young again." Don’t we all?
This is not the summary of the whole show, but just my favourite parts. He also mentioned in his diaries that he planned to change and get rid of things, since it went over time. Unfortunately, the bra, underwear, rubber ducky, and Canadian Tire money (money that can only be used in Canadian retail store, "Canadian Tire") in the encore bucket was enough for only one encore, the absolutely amazing "Lumberjack Song."
I could not believe it was over. The two hours went by so fast, and I wish it could have been a lot longer. Elena and I walked down the stairs, and I saw a huge crowd of people. I scanned the crowd and saw a short woman holding a sign: END OF AUTOGRAPH LINE. Ticket in hand, I rushed down the rest of the stairs into the corridor, and stood at the end of the line with my sister (which soon became the middle of the line… it quickly stretched down the hallway). After ten minutes or so, he came out; and the first thing he looked at was the length of the line, and waved as everyone cheered. Elena went out to look for our dad, because he was picking us up. Eventually I got worried because she was taking too long. I was about 10 people away from Eric Idle! Finally, there she was, and our dad stood aside and watched. Together, Elena and I went up to him. He looked up at us and smiled.
"Can you sign our tickets?" I lamely asked. I was so nervous, and you can only imagine how flushed I was. I gave it to him upside down, and he signed it so smoothly and delicately. Then he signed Elena’s the same way. We told him that we loved his show, and he told us that he was glad we liked it. He probably thought we were twins. I shook his hand, as professionally as I could, but it was all sweaty. Then he shook Elena’s which was cold. If I had another chance to meet him, I would talk much more, but the line up was just too long, and at the time I was just literally speechless. I could not think of anything to say. All I could say was: "Wwooooww!" I have seen Eric Idle in other films such as "Nuns on the Run," "Casper," and some of the Flying Circus episodes, and I am planning to enjoy many more in the future.
