Part 1
“Alright everyone, we’re finally set up and ready for the day's shoot.”
Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. The set-ups were becoming longer and longer each day, especially since the two Terry’s were perfectionists.
“About bloody time,” John mumbled. “I know they don’t care, but this woolen armor is driving me insane. I have to fight every minute to keep from scratching when we’re filming.”
“Not to mention the fact it smells like a damp sheep half the time,” Mike said.
They followed the two Terry’s as they entered the main door into Doune castle.
“Well… let’s get this over with,” John said.
All of them entered through the door and headed up to the second level where the Castle Anthrax sequence was going to be filmed. As they entered the wide chamber where the bed had been set up, the Pythons saw Carol standing off to one side chatting with some of the other virgins. She smiled at them as they waved to her. She said something to her friends who smiled and nodded. Carol walked over to the Pythons and looked at Mike.
“Ready to be examined, Galahad?” she asked, playfully.
“Not really,” Mike said with a wink. “But it sounds like you just can’t wait to get under my tunic.”
“Sorry, Mike. I wish that were true, but I prefer a man who has a sword, not a dagger.”
Mike blushed as the other Pythons giggled behind him.
“No wonder you took a vow of chastity, Galahad. Even horny virgins are leaving you alone,” John said, slapping Mike hard on the back.
“Well at least I wouldn’t start hacking the virgin to pieces like some knights I know, Lancelot,” Mike said, dryly.
John snorted and moved past Mike.
“What’s wrong John? Can dish it out, but you can’t take it?” Mike muttered under his breath.
“Alright everyone, places. We have a long day ahead of us,” Jonesy said.
He ignored the other Pythons groans as he found his place in his script book. Mike sighed and hopped onto the bed lying back on the pillow as Carol and the actresses playing Doctor Winston and Doctor Piglet hurried into place. As he looked up at the ceiling, he heard Eric’s voice as he stood against the far wall.
“Lucky bastard. All I ever get to do is listen to Neil sing, and make comments on how shitty my armor is.”
Mike chuckled to himself. “Jealous, Idle?” he asked.
Eric rolled his eyes. “Oh no, not at all, Palin. It must be rough work having girls standing over you and lifting up your tunic and staring down at your crotch while telling you, you must be examined. I just am sooooo glad I signed up to do Sir Robin instead,” Eric said, sarcastically.
“Okay, Eric. Knock it off. We need to have quiet on the set,” Jonesy said, giving him an annoyed stare.
“Yes, your highness. I’m so sorry. I won’t speak again because I know the next time it’ll be off with me head.”
Mike snickered as Jonesy fixed Eric with a hard stare before turning his attention to the set.
“Okay, if we’ll have no further interruptions,” he glanced over at Eric who stared back with an amused grin, “quiet and action!”
***
“Oh God, I never thought break time would come,” Mike said, slumping down in a corner. “Every day that I have to wear this stupid costume, I find myself pitying sheep more and more.”
“Aw, come on Mike. Cheer up. Years from now, people will look back on all our hard work here and say we made a film that’s a classic.”
Mike snorted. “Yeah, a classic pain in the arse. Both Terrys are getting on my last nerve. Everytime we think it’s a wrap, one of them will run in and complain that something is wrong, like someone sneezed and a booger flew into the shot.”
Eric laughed. “I agree with you, mate. I think you can also tell what time of day it is by how mad John is,” he said with a wink. “One of these days he’s gonna snap and run through the castle hacking people to bits with his sword if they aren’t careful.”
“Oh my God, I think you’re right. I’m getting an image of John in his Lancelot costume chasing Jonesy and Gilliam through Doune and stabbing anyone who gets in his way.” Mike said with a grin.
“Now boys, that’s not very nice.”
Eric and Mike looked up as Carol walked over to them and sat down.
“Mark my words, Carol. One day the Terrys will go too far and then you’ll hear John scream “HA HA” and we’ll all be python-ka-bobs.” Eric said.
Carol laughed. “Well, at least you wouldn’t have to go through filming anymore.”
Eric and Mike looked at each other.
“Say, I never thought of that. Maybe we should tell the Terrys to be especially critical with John from now on,” Mike said.
The three of them looked at each other and bent over in hysterics laughing.
Part 2
After the break ended, Eric and Mike left to get changed for the swamp castle sequence. After about a half hour of getting on the uncomfortable costumes,
they headed upstairs to the room where the scene would be filmed. As they reached the room, they noticed that they were the first ones there. They leaned against the wall as they waited for the others to arrive.
“I hope this doesn’t take too long. I’m tired,” Eric said.
Mike nodded. “I want to get back and get a nice hot shower.”
Eric snorted. “Good luck with that, mate.”
They looked over as Jonsey stepped into the room. Mike and Eric looked at each other and began to giggle. Jonsey stared at them.
“What?” he asked, suspiciously
“Oh nothing… albino boy,” Mike said.
Jonsey rolled his eyes as Mike and Eric laughed.
“I wouldn’t be talking if I were you,” Jonesy said, staring at Mike’s fur coat. “You look just as ridiculous as I do.”
“At least I don’t look like I’ve been rolling in chalk dust,” Mike said.
“If you don’t shut up, Terry and I will have you rolling in shit.”
Mike gave Jonsey a playful punch. “Aw, Terry. You know I’m only having you on. Don’t be so sensitive,” he said.
“Look, I’m not in the best of moods, alright? I’ve just got done arguing with Gilliam… again... and I’m not in the mood for teasing.”
Mike and Eric rolled their eyes.
“Now what’s wrong?” Eric asked.
Jonsey sighed. “What’s wrong is… I don’t think we should film this particular scene right now.”
“Why not?” Mike asked.
Terry pointed up to the torch above their heads. “Look at the way that flame is blowing all over the place. It is too windy up here right now. I know no one cares, but I’m the one who has to get on the little platform outside the window. I don’t feel like being blown off it and falling to my death. But of course, the light is just perfect for shooting, and we can’t have a scene with bad lighting in it because Gilliam might throw his little hissy fit. Then I’d be the one stuck listening to him bitch all day long. Plus I’ve noticed Graham staggering around outside. So he’s pissed now. I have a feeling that he’s not going to have to fake his hiccups when he gets up here. That is… if he gets up here without falling back down the stairs and breaking every bone in his body. So, you’ll excuse me if I’m in a sour mood.”
“Gee Terry, we’re sorry. We didn’t mean to upset you more,” Mike said, sheepishly.
“No, it’s fine. You didn’t know. I just regret signing up for this director’s job with Gilliam. It’s been more trouble than it’s worth sometimes,” Jonsey said, leaning back against the wall.
Jonsey checked his watch and grumbled to himself. Every once in awhile, he looked up nervously at the flickering flame and patted the top of his head to make sure it wasn’t on fire. He checked his watch again and walked to the stairs and looked down them. “Where the hell are Gilliam and Graham?” he muttered to himself.
Mike and Eric watched as Jonsey threw his hands up in frustration and headed downstairs. “I have to do everything around here,” they heard him
mutter.
Mike and Eric looked at each other and sighed.
“This is gonna be a looooong day,” Eric said.
He began to walk around the room as Mike walked to the window and looked out. Mike looked down at the platform anchored outside and thought of Jonsey having to climb out on it. Jonsey got on his nerves
sometimes, but he would never want him to fall to his death. He began to blink as the wind lashed against his face. He agreed with Jonsey. It was far too windy to shoot the scene. Mike turned around as he heard someone coming up the stairs.
“Thank God, now we can get this scene over with,” he said to himself.
He groaned as he saw Carol come around the corner.
“Hey fellas, look what I found,” she said, holding up a yellowed piece of parchment.
Mike and Eric walked over and stared at the archaic words in amazement.
“Where did you find this?” Eric asked.
“I was bored so I thought I’d take a walk through the castle and I went into one of the rooms we never use and there it was, lying in the corner. Pretty interesting find, I think,” she said.
Mike and Eric nodded.
“Can you make out what it says?” Mike asked.
“Um… Let me see…” Carol said, studying the parchment. “Um… Chant the words… Say this rhyme… Travel to a distant time.” Carol pursed her lips. “That’s odd. I wonder what it me…”
Mike and Eric jumped back as a bright light enveloped Carol. When the light faded, their eyes opened wide as they noticed Carol was gone.
Part 3
“What do you mean Carol vanished?”
Mike and Eric sighed. After Carol had vanished, they had went to find the other Pythons. They found them outside the castle gathered around Graham trying to get him sobered up enough to do his scene.
“For the hundredth time, Terry. Carol was standing beside us. She found a parchment of some kind when she was taking a walk through the castle. She was reading it to us when all of a sudden there was a bright light
and POOF, she was gone."
Jonesy raised his eyebrow as John and Graham giggled behind him.
“I find that hard to believe.”
“I don’t care what you believe, Terry. It happened!” Mike said, annoyed.
“Do you guys believe any of this?” Jonsey asked the others.
“Nope,” Gilliam, John and Graham said in unison.
“Neither do I. I think it’s all an elaborate prank you dreamed up to waste precious time while we go searching through Doune for Carol.”
He noticed Eric clutching the parchment and frowned.
“Here, is this what she supposedly found?” Jonesy said, snatching it from Eric’s hand.
“No! Don’t read it!” Eric cried out in alarm.
He tried to restrain Jonsey as he read out loud to the group what it said in a mocking tone of voice. Suddenly, Eric and Mike saw a bright light surround him and the others and they felt as though the ground had dropped out from under them for a moment. When the light faded, they saw they all were in exactly the same spot as before. Jonsey blinked in surprise and then raised his eyebrows.
“What the hell was that?” he asked in astonishment.
“See, now look what you done,” Mike said, angrily.
Jonsey snorted. “Bollocks, I don’t see any change. You two must have had some flash powder or something and when I finished reading you lit some and threw it to the ground and created that blinding light. I don’t see anything that tells me we went back in time like this parchment supposedly claims!”
“Oh no,” Eric said, pointing back to Doune. “Then how come the bloody castle doesn’t look so decrepit anymore?”
Jonsey looked up and saw that Eric was right. The eroding stones on top of the castle were newer looking that before and even the walls looked less worn. Despite all this, Jonsey still found it hard to believe that they had gone back in time. Time travel wasn’t possible... was it?
“Well, we better go look for Carol while we’re here,” Eric said to Mike.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where are you going?” Jonsey said.
“Um… to look for Carol. Didn’t you just hear me?” Eric said, pausing in mid step.
Jonsey folded his arms. “Even if we did go back in time, which I still don’t
believe we did, how do you know what sort of people are around here? We’re probably back in a time when the castle was inhabited. Do you want to end up being thrown in the dungeon and maybe tortured?”
Eric sighed. “No, but did you guys ever stop to think that that might be what they are doing to Carol at this moment? They might be flaying her alive now, even as we speak.”
John finally spoke up. “And if they ask, who are we going to say we are,
Idle?”
Eric looked at him and shrugged. “I don’t know. Why don’t we tell them we are King Arthur and his knights of the round table? Maybe we’ll
get a royal welcome then,” he said, sarcastically. He took a deep breath.
“Sorry, but I really want to get inside and get to Carol, okay? If something comes up, we’ll improvise. Now c’mon,” he said as he headed towards the front door.
As Mike fell in behind him, the others followed reluctantly, still wondering if this was just an elaborate prank. As they neared the door, they suddenly saw a face peek out over the battlements. He was dressed in a 16th century guard’s uniform. He stared at the Python’s in confusion before they heard him running across the top of the battlements and yelling frantically.
“Oh great,” Eric muttered, "we’ve been spotted.”
As he raised his hand to knock, the heavy wooden door swung open and a stern faced man stood and stared at them flanked on either side by guards with long spears.
“Who art thou?” he demanded.
As Eric frantically thought of an answer, he heard John behind him.
“Yeah, Eric. Who art we?”
Eric rolled his eyes and ignored John.
“Um, we are just peasants, good sir. Um, we are looking for a lady friend. She had blonde hair and was dressed in a white dress.”
The man raised his eyebrows. “Art thou speaking of the wench who trespassed here without royal permission?”
“Um, yeah. Is the wench around?” Eric asked.
The man scoffed. “Verily, she is. She is presently with the rats down
in the dungeons awaiting punishment for her vile deed.” He stared at the Python’s clothes. “Thou sayest thou art merely peasants, yet, thou art dressed as a guard. Although I know not what castle you hail from. I have not seen thy uniform before.”
Eric cursed silently. He forgot he was wearing the swamp castle costume. As the man eyeballed him and the others, he suddenly had an idea.
“Um, yes. That is right. I am a guard. I meant to say that they are peasants and I’m escorting them down to the dungeon. Um, they are under arrest for not paying their taxes.” Eric saw the man look at his costume. “Um, I…. uh, lost my guard uniform. The tall one back there tore it off me in a struggle. So I used this one that I had made to give to a friend of mine who is also a guard.” Eric realized just how stupid that really sounded and he could hear the Pythons groan behind him. The man
looked like he was not about to let them in when all of a sudden, there was a sudden downpour. Eric rolled his eyes. “I see the weather hasn’t changed over the centuries,” he said to himself.
As the rain fell down on their heads, he tried one last time to convince the man to let him in. “Look, I’m sorry, but I’m getting wet. Do you mind if
I do my job so I can get warm again?” he said, impatiently.
The man stood quietly in thought. Finally he nodded. “I shall give thee entrance, but thou hast better be who thou sayest, or thou shalt join the others on the rack.” He nodded to the guards and they walked backwards to either side of the door. The man turned and looked over his shoulder and beckoned them in.
“I hope you know what you’re doing, Idle,” John muttered as they went in.
Part 4
The guard escorted the pythons through the castle. All of them stared up at the vaguely familiar corridors filled with tapestries depicting battles and dragons and unicorns. The guard looked back at them from time to time, especially to stare at Jonesy. Finally, he slowed his speed enough that he ended up walking beside Eric. He leaned over and whispered in his ear.
“That thin one who wears the white tunic, is he ill? Methinks, he has the plague or something.”
Eric fought the urge to snicker and leaned over to him. “Nah… I think he works indoors a lot instead of working in the fields,” he said.
The guard stared at him for a moment and then nodded to himself. Behind him, Eric could hear Mike snicker and he looked back at him and gave him a smirk as the others frowned in confusion.
Finally, they reached a doorway and some stairs going down. The guard motioned to them and they all headed down behind him taking great care not to trip in the dim torchlight. John wrinkled his nose as they descended.
“God, I’m so glad the centuries eliminated the shit and piss smell from this place,” he said. “I don’t think I would have tolerated filming here with that
odor.”
Jonsey looked back at him. “John, you wouldn’t want to film if the place smelled like strawberries,” he said.
John glared at him as Gilliam put his finger to his lips and shushed at them.
“Guys, I want to get back to our own time without getting burned, stretched, disembowled, drawn, or quartered. Would you keep it down?” Gilliam hissed.
John snorted. “They’d never do that to you, because everytime they’d try, you’d be lying there asking them to do the torture over so it’s just right,” John said, sarcastically.
Gilliam glared at him as Jonesy chuckled. John looked at Jonesy.
“I wouldn’t laugh too loudly if I were you, mister perfect,” he said, smirking at him.
They reached the bottom of the stairs and the guard led them down an even smellier corridor. All of the Pythons had to hold their breath just to keep from gagging. They reached the dungeons and all of them stared at the poor, pitiful souls imprisoned around them.
“Jesus Christ,” Gilliam muttered as he stared at them.
They shook their heads sadly as some of the prisoners begged them for food and water.
“God, the sooner we get Carol out of here, the better,” Mike said, glancing back at them.
The others nodded as they turned a corner. Suddenly, their eyes widened as they saw a familiar looking face staring at them from the semi darkness.
“Shit, Carol,” Eric whispered. “God, I hope these bastards haven’t hurt her.”
Carol’s eyes widened and she made a move to speak. Eric shook his head and she closed her mouth. The guard motioned to her.
“This is the wench who was caught earlier.” He said. “We are going to try her for witchcraft.”
The Python’s eyes widened.
“Hang about?” Eric said, not believing his ears. “You said you’re gonna try her for witchcraft?”
The guard nodded. “Several witnesses have said that she seemed to appear out of thin air, and witchcraft is the only explanation.”
The Pythons glanced at each other as they felt a sickening feeling form in their stomachs.
“What do you think, should we overpower the guard?” John whispered to Jonesy.
Jonesy thought for a moment and looked at him. “I’m not sure. If we do, who knows how many other guards there are in this place? We might be
outnumbered,” he whispered back.
Gilliam looked around at them. “I think we should try to wait and find out just how great a number there are before we try a rescue attempt.”
“And what if they do something to Carol in the meantime, Gilliam?” Graham spoke up as he stood behind John.
Gilliam sighed. “It wouldn’t do any good for us or Carol to get spears
rammed through us because we acted too soon and didn’t
know our enemy,” he said.
John snorted. “Terry Gilliam, military strategist,” he said, dryly.
“You got a better solution, John?” Gilliam snapped.
John thought for a moment and then shook his head.
Mike looked back at them. “I agree, John. We need to be careful about this.”
John shrugged. “Fine, just as long as we get Carol out of here,” he
muttered
They looked back at the guard as he suddenly moved away from Carol and proceeded further down the corridor. As the Pythons passed by, they reached out and grasped Carol’s hand and gave her a reassuring nod.
Once they got past Carol, John muttered. “Where in the bloody Hell are we going?”
His face turned white as they stopped by an empty cell. The guard brought the keys out and turned the lock. Opening the door, he motioned to Eric.
“You can put your prisoners in here until we decide what to do with them,” he said.
“Oh shit, no!” John spat out.
“John, remember, we’re supposed to be Eric’s prisoners. They won’t just let us go gallivanting around the castle by ourselves,” Jonsey muttered.
John shut his eyes and nodded. They all watched Eric as he hesitated for a moment and then reluctantly stepped aside.
“Alright, you lot, get in there,” he said, trying to sound authoritative.
Everyone sighed as they trudged into the cell.
“Oh God, we have to stay down here with the stench,” John muttered.
They turned as the guard locked the door and nodded at Eric. “I’ll show you to your quarters,” he said.
Eric looked at him as the guard turned away and quickly ran to the bars.
“I’ll figure out what to do and come back for you later,” he said.
“You better, Idle, or so help me God. I’m gonna personally throw you on the rack,” John hissed at him.
“Sir, are you coming?”
Eric looked at the guard and reluctantly turned away from the others and followed the guard back down the corridor.
Part 5
John sighed as he leaned against the wall of the cell. “Christ, how long is it gonna take Eric to get back here?” he muttered.
“I hope nothing’s happened to him,” Mike said as he peeled off his heavy, hairy, costume.
“Hey, watch it. That’s your costume,” Jonsey said as the costume fell into the hay.
Mike glared at him. “Jonesy, it is hotter than Hell down here and that thing weighs about 30 pounds and makes me sweat like a pig. I don’t give a fuck about the costume at the moment, I give a fuck about not passing out from the heat.”
Jonesy stared at him for a moment and then nodded. “I see your point,” he said. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Unless Eric returns, we’re probably all done for anyway.”
“Anyone see something we could pick the lock with, maybe?’ Gilliam asked as he kicked at the hay.
The others stared at him and then began to do the same. After a few moments of walking around the cell and turning over the hay, they gave up.
“Nothing,” John said, shaking his head. “They probably figure people might try that, so they keep these cells free of clutter.”
“Hmmmm, maybe if we brainstorm, we can think of a solution?” Gilliam suggested.
“GUYS!”
The Pythons all turned their heads as they heard Carol’s voice echo back to them along the corridor. They walked to the bars and stood against them.
“CAROL!” Mike cried out.
“Yeah! Are you guys okay?”
“Yeah, we’re fine, so far!” Mike called out. “How about you? They haven’t hurt you or anything?”
“Not yet. As soon as I appeared in here, they just grabbed me and escorted me down here. I guess I surprised a couple of guards who were on patrol around the outside. They didn’t really say anything to me, at
first, just that I had been trespassing. Later on, they came and told me I was on trial for witchcraft. I guess after the shock wore off, they worked out the reason for my sudden appearance,” she said. She paused for a moment. “What about Eric, why did they let him go back up?” she asked.
“Eric was posing as a guard who captured us since he was wearing the guard uniform,” Gilliam said. “I guess they took him up to guest quarters. At least, I hope that’s what they did. I guess we just have to wait and
hope he’s okay.”
***
Eric shut the door as the guards left and looked around the guest quarters. They had taken him to the second level, but Eric could tell it was one of the rooms they didn’t use for filming. He stared around at the sparse accommodations as he took off his helmet and ran his fingers through his hair. He stared at the helmet with distaste and threw it on the bed in the
corner. “Fucking helmet,” he muttered. “It’s too bloody tight. I wish Hazel would have found a bigger size for me.”
He noticed a cupboard in another corner and walked to it. He opened it, hoping to find a change of clothes. He noticed the only thing in it was a long white tunic much like what Jonsey was wearing. He pulled it out and held it over his body visually checking it to see if it would fit. He nodded his head as he saw that it might be a good fit and he began to take off all of his costume except for his boots and his underwear. He pulled the tunic on and noticed it was a little loose, but it was still pretty close to his size. He smoothed out the fabric with his hands and walked to the bed. Sitting down, he began to stare at the ceiling as he tried to think of a way to free the others.
As he was thinking, he was interrupted by a knock on the door. He opened it and found a girl standing outside holding a plate laden with fruit.
“Our Lord thought you might be hungry,” she said. “He
asked that some fruit be brought up for you.”
Eric nodded. “Thanks,” he said, taking the plate.
The girl bowed and hurried away as Eric shut the door. He sat the plate back on the bed and took an apple. He munched on the apple as he continued his train of thought. Finishing the apple, he took another and left the rest for the other Pythons. He ate the second apple as he walked to the window and gazed out trying to get his bearings. Suddenly, he heard a knock on the door and he jerked his head around. Sighing deeply, he put the apple back on the plate and opened the door. He saw a beautiful blonde woman standing outside dressed in a long, purple gown.
“Hello. You must be our guest,” she said, staring at him.
“Yes, I guess I am.” Eric said.
The woman bowed. “I am the Lady Aurora. My father owns the castle. He
is busy with peasant affairs so I came up to bid you welcome in his stead.”
Eric nodded. “Thanks for the welcome, then,” he said, smiling.
He watched as Aurora looked him up and down appreciatively and then smiled at him.
“You have come a long way? I’ve not seen you before,” she said.
Eric coughed. “Um… yeah, we’ve come a long way. A very long way,” he
said.
“Father said that you had prisoners? How is it that you have come so far and still have prisoners with you? Wouldn’t it have been better to imprison them in your Lord’s castle?”
“Well, um, you see... I didn’t start out with them.” Eric said, thinking fast. “I’ve been traveling and I was near here when I found them. This was the closest castle, so I thought I’d bring them here.”
“I see,” Aurora said. “That was very good of you to do that. This castle is known for punishing criminals. I’m sure the evildoers will be seen to.”
Eric gulped. That was what he was afraid of. “Um, listen, do you mind if I talk to you later? It’s been a long journey and I’m very tired,” he said.
Aurora smiled. “Of course.” She laid her hand on his cheek. “I’ll talk to you later…”
“Eric.”
She smiled. “Eric. I like that name. Okay, Eric. I’ll talk to you later. Have a good rest.” She turned to go and looked back. “Oh, supper is at sundown. I’ll come back to escort you to the dining room.”
“Fine,” Eric said, anxious for her to leave. “See you then.”
Aurora nodded and Eric watched as she walked down the corridor and turned the corner. Sighing, he closed the door. “Great. Not only are my friends in danger, I have a medieval woman falling for me,” he muttered.
He grabbed the plate of fruit and cautiously stepped outside. After making sure the coast was clear, he headed down the stairs towards the dungeons.
Part 6
Eric quickly made his way down to the dungeons, keeping close to the shadows in case a guard would mistake him for an intruder. He reached the dungeon and wrinkled up his nose as the pungent odor hit it again. He began to walk towards Carol’s cell holding the plate in front of him. Suddenly, he stopped and his eyes widened as he heard someone screaming and the sound of a whip crack. Eric gulped. He hoped that the
poor, unfortunate, person was not someone he knew. He peeked around the corner and noticed that whoever was doing the whipping was off in another room and out of sight. He looked around and determined no one else was around before he made his way to Carol’s cell.
“Eric!” Carol cried as he reached her. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m more concerned about you guys,” he said. He held up the plate. “Here, I brought you some fruit.”
Carol’s eyes widened and she took some grapes and an apple off of the plate. “Thanks, Eric. I’ve been starving,” she said. “The slop they give you down here is not fit for dogs.”
“I figured that,” Eric said, nodding.
“IDLE! IS THAT YOU?”
Eric looked over as John’s voice rang out. He rolled his eyes. “Sounds like John is pissed,” he said. “But then, when is he ever not pissed?”
He gave Carol’s hand a squeeze and then moved on down towards the Pythons' cell.
“Well, it’s about bloody time,” John said as he walked up. “Do you know how unbearable it is down here?”
“I’m sorry John, I tried to get back as soon as I could.” He held up the plate and the Pythons took the fruit gratefully.
“So, what happened?” Gilliam asked as he munched on a peach.
“Not much. They showed me to a room upstairs, one of the rooms we never used, and I got a change of clothes.”
“….and made yourself look like Jonsey, I see.” Mike said, chuckling.
“Well yeah, you know how Jonsey’s costume is so chic and trendy,” Eric said, laughing as Jonsey rolled his eyes. “After that, they brought me the fruit and then the Lady Aurora invited me to a huge banquet.”
“Who’s the Lady Aurora?” Jonsey asked.
“Oh, she’s the daughter of the Lord here. I think she has a thing for me.” Eric said, laughing.
John rolled his eyes. “Oh, that’s just wonderful. We’re down here in the
tenth level of Hell while Eric gets wined and dined and gets hit on,” John said, muttering. “Besides finding this new love interest, did you find out
anything useful, like how to get out of this sodding cell?”
“I’m working on it, John. I have to play along or I’ll end up right beside you,” Eric said, annoyed. “And I’m not hitting on anyone. She’s the one who’s hitting on me. What was I supposed to do? Tell her to piss off and have her report back to her father?”
“Lay off, John. Eric’s trying his best,” Graham said, as he leaned against the wall of the cell. “I’m sure you could do no better than he could.”
John stared at Graham. “I know that, Chapman. I just don’t like being down here, okay. Especially since now they’re torturing people. I don’t really feel like being next.” John said.
“Look guys, I just need a little more time. I at least have to show up for this feast tonight, otherwise, it’ll look suspicious. I’ll try to find something to pick the lock with while I’m there. Surely they’ll have knives or something I can use.”
The Pythons nodded.
“Just be careful, Eric,” Mike said. “From the sound of that man being whipped, these people mean business when it comes to punishment.”
Eric nodded. “I’ll try to come back as soon as I can. In the meantime, I better get back up there and freshen up a little so they don’t suspect I’ve been down here. Just hang in there, guys, we’ll get out of here,” he said.
The Pythons nodded again. They sighed as they watched Eric move cautiously back down along the corridor.
“I’ll be so glad when we make it back to our time so I can walk away from this movie.” John said, rolling his eyes. “I’ve about had my fill of medieval England.”
***
Eric quickly snuck back up to his room. A couple of times he was almost seen. It was only by ducking into a nearby corridor that he was able to escape detection. Once he was in his room, he quickly aired out his clothes by the window trying to get the piss smell out of them. After smelling it and thinking the smell was pretty much gone, he sat down and awaited
sunset.
Just before the sun disappeared completely from the horizon, Eric heard a knock at the door. “Okay, here goes nothing,” he muttered as he went to
open it. He opened the door and smiled at Aurora.
“Good evening, Eric. I’ve come to escort you to the feast,” she said, smiling back.
Eric nodded and followed her out.
She led him downstairs and near the back of the castle. They finally reached the entrance to the banquet hall and Eric whistled to himself as he stared at all the tapestries adorning the walls. There was a long table in the center of the room and beyond it was a fireplace with a roaring fire. Aurora led him to the front of the table and he sat down beside her as she
sat down next to the head of the table. Eric nodded at a portly man dressed in robes, assuming it was the Lord of the castle. As they sat there, he saw more people file in dressed in colorful attire. They sat down beside Eric and filled up the end of the table. The Lord clapped his hands and many servants rushed in bearing huge trays filled with food. Eric felt a pang of guilt as he thought of his friends trapped below having to eat scraps. When all the food was set out, the man addressed him.
“Welcome stranger, I am Balthazar, the Lord of this castle.”
Eric nodded. “I am Eric.”
Balthazar smiled. “I wish to welcome you to my castle. I hope you are
enjoying your stay thus far.”
Yes, I am.” Eric said. *I’d enjoy it much better if my friends weren’t in the
dungeon.* he thought to himself.
Balthazar smiled. “Now that we’ve dispensed with the welcome, let us feast.”
Everyone smiled and began to pile heaps of food onto their plates. Eric took a leg of mutton and began to eat it. Balthazar stared at him.
“That is all you are going to eat?” he said, incredulously.
Eric nodded. “I’m not very hungry tonight,” he said.
“Nonsense, my friend, eat. Have some potatoes at least.”
“No thanks,” Eric said, looking at the black spots on the potatoes. He looked over at Balthazar and saw he was frowning at him.
“Sir, I insist. I wish everyone to eat.”
“Father, he does not wish to eat more than he has taken,” Aurora said.
Eric’s eyes widened as Balthazar suddenly glared at her.
“Speaking without spoken to, daughter? I raised you better than this. Your future husband will not be pleased at your wayward tongue.”
“Father, I meant nothing, I was just saying that Eric is not…”
“SILENCE!” Balthazar said, slapping her in the face. “You will speak only when you are spoken to. Otherwise, you are to be silent.”
“Hey!” Eric said, angrily.
He clammed up as Balthazar glared at him and Aurora stared at him and shook her head.
“You are questioning my judgement on how I should raise my daughter?” Balthazar challenged.
Eric shook his head silently. Balthazar nodded.
“Good,” he said.
As he turned back to eating, Eric glared at him hatefully as Aurora wiped the tears from her cheeks. For the rest of the meal, everyone ate in silence.
***
After the meal, Eric left and hurried back up to his room, carefully hiding the knife he had managed to swipe from the table. He sat down on the bed and waited for the castle to quiet down.
After awhile, Eric could hear no more laughter or chatter and he cautiously stepped out of his room and began to go down to the dungeon. As he passed by, he failed to see someone hidden in the shadows, watching him. As he went downstairs, the figure began to follow.
***
“Okay, guys, I got a knife from the table.” Eric said, showing it to the Pythons. “Now let’s get the door open and get Carol and get the fuck outta here.”
“Fine with me,” John said. “I’m ready to go.”
They stood back from the cell door as Eric carefully inserted the knife into the lock and jimmied it around.
Come on, you sodding door, open,” he muttered to himself as he worked.
“Eric.”
Eric glanced up as he heard Gilliam’s voice.
“What?”
“Look behind you.”
Eric stared at him for a moment and then turned. His eyes widened as he saw Aurora step out of the shadows and frown at him. The Pythons groaned as Eric stared at her in shock.
“Oh, bloody Hell,” he said.
Part 7
As Eric stared at Aurora in Shock, John lowered his head against the bars and sighed. "Eric, why don't you wear bloody bells on your heels the next time you try to sneak around?" he said angrily.
Aurora stepped closer to Eric. "I don't understand. You are trying to free these people? You were the one who captured them."
Eric sighed. "Look, I lied Aurora, okay? These people and that woman down there who's being tried for witchcraft, they're my friends."
Aurora frowned. "If these are your friends, why did you assist the guards when they put them in here?"
"Because I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't comply. Look Aurora, it's hard to explain, but I want you to free my friends so we can get out of here."
Aurora folded her arms across her chest. "No, not until you tell me the truth," she said.
Eric looked back at the Pythons as they groaned. He took a deep breath and looked at Aurora. "Okay, um... first, do you believe in magic?" he asked.
Aurora nodded.
"Okay, good, um... well, you see, all of us were brought here by a magic spell." He looked at Jonsey. "Let me have the parchment," he said.
Jonsey nodded and handed him the piece of paper. Eric showed it to Aurora.
"This is the spell. You see, Aurora, I know this is gonna sound crazy, but all of us and that woman over there are from the future."
He sighed as Aurora gave him an odd look.
"I know it doesn't sound possible, but it is. We're from the year 1974 A.D. and we were using this castle for a movie."
"Movie?" Aurora asked, frowning.
"Yeah, it's um... like theater, in a way," Eric said.
Aurora thought for a moment. "Oh, you mean like the passion plays they have around Easter?" she asked.
Eric nodded. "Pretty much. Anyway, in our time, the castle is abandoned..."
"It... is?" Aurora said, her frown deepening.
Eric nodded. "Yeah, in our time, it's been abandoned for years."
"I see," Aurora said. "Please continue."
"Okay, well, when we are... doing our theater, we only use certain rooms. Carol, the lady over there, was in one of the rooms we didn't use and she found this parchment." He held up his hands as he saw her open her mouth. "No! Don't read it aloud. That's how we ended up here in the first place. We don't want to go back further in time or anything."
"Yeah, this time is bad enough," John muttered behind him.
Aurora looked at him. "Is there anything you can show me to prove you are from the... future?" she asked, hesitantly.
Eric thought for a moment. He stared back at the other Pythons who shook their heads. Suddenly, he had an idea. he pulled up the long sleeve of his tunic and showed Aurora his wristwatch. Aurora stared at it in wonder and pointed to it.
"What is it?"
"It's a watch. Um... it's a lot like a..."
"Sundial," Jonsey finished.
"Yeah, sundial. Only you don't need the sun. it gives you the time of day indoors or out."
Aurora stared at it for a moment in fascination and then nodded. "I believe you, Eric. I think you are telling the truth."
Eric smiled as the Pythons breathed a sigh of relief.
"Thank you, now could you let my friends out?"
"Um, yes, but I don't have the key with me." She thought for a moment. "Wait here," she said as she ran back down the corridor.
"I hope you just did the right thing, Eric," Michael said as they watched her go.
Eric shrugged. "I hope so too, but I couldn't think of anything else to say to her. I had to explain why I was trying to free you."
"Do you think she's going to tell her father though?" Mike asked.
Eric shook his head. "Nah, from what I saw up at the banquet, her father
doesn't tolerate her speaking out of turn. I think she'd be afraid to tell him even if it was an emergency."
"Well, what about a guard then, Eric? We don't know this woman. How do you know she isn't a bloody spy or something?"
"I don't, John, we just have to trust her, I guess," Eric said, sighing.
They looked over as they heard a noise. Their eyes widened as they saw Aurora accompanied by a guard.
"Eric, you idiot," John muttered.
"Right here, guard. These are the ones who are next to be tortured," Aurora said, pointing at the Pythons.
The Python's eyes widened and they glared at Eric.
"If I die here, so help me God, I'm gonna haunt you for the rest of your life," John spat out.
Eric stood in shock. He looked over at Aurora and his eyes widened as he saw her wink at him. As he frowned in confusion, he saw her creep up behind the guard as he made a move to open the door. As he put the key in the lock and turned it, she suddenly grabbed his head and before he could react, she slammed it into the iron bars, knocking him out. Eric and the others stared at the fallen guard in shock.
"There, I got you the keys," she said, grinning.
Eric gave the others an "I told you so" look as they opened the unlocked door.
"Sorry, Eric," John muttered to him, as they grabbed the keys and made their way down to Carol's cell.
"Guys! You got out!" Carol said, overjoyed.
"Yup, with a little help," Mike said, gesturing back to Aurora.
They unlocked the door and Carol hugged the Pythons. Once they finished hugging, she looked at them. "Okay, how do we get home now?"
The Pythons all stared at each other.
"I don't think we should try the spell again," Eric said. "It might send us even further into the past."
"Oh Great, so we're stuck here then," Mike said, sighing.
"Wait."
Everyone looked at Aurora as she was studying the parchment.
"I've seen this before."
The Pythons looked at each other.
"You have?" Eric asked.
"Yes, there is a man who lives here in the castle named Malachi. He claims to be a sorceror. I don't believe he is anything other than a clever magician, but my father lets him stay because he amuses him with his tricks. I've seen this spell though. He had it in his hand one day along with another piece of parchment."
"Well, then, he must know real magic then, because that spell worked all too well," Eric said, pointing to the parchment.
Aurora nodded. "Now that I think of it though, I remember asking him
what it was, just out of curiosity and he said it was a spell of his and the counterspell for it."
The Pythons raised their eyebrows.
"Counterspell?" Jonsey asked. "Are you sure?"
Aurora nodded. "Yes, I remember it now. It seemed odd to me at the
time that he would tell me that because usually he ignored me. But, he moved on quickly after he had told me, so maybe it was his way of satisfying my curiosity so I would leave him alone."
"Do you know where his room is?" Eric asked.
Aurora nodded. "Yes, but we must be careful. He isn't a friendly man, Eric, and he doesn't like strangers. If he is a sorceror, he might do something to all of you if he finds you in his room."
"Oh great." John said, sighing. "First we escape from that God awful cell, now we might be turned into frogs or something. I'll be so glad when we get home."
"If you do go... home, could you take me with you?" Aurora asked.
The Pythons stared at her and each other.
"Um, could we even do that?" Gilliam asked. "Isn't that interfering with the laws of nature?"
"What if we mess up history or something?" Mike added.
Eric sighed and looked at Aurora. "I don't know if we can, Aurora," he said.
"Please, Eric. You don't know what it's like here. You heard my father. I'm to be wed to a man that I don't even love. My father only wants him to marry me because he's very powerful and he wants to combine their power so they can become the most wealthy and influencial Lords in all of England. This man I'm betrothed to is nothing but a beast of a man who beats everyone around him if they get in his way, servant and children alike. I saw how you acted when my father struck me, Eric. I know you wouldn't want me to marry a man who would beat me for the rest of my life."
Eric pursed his lips. "No, I wouldn't, but, I'm still not sure if we should."
"Eric, please," she begged.
Eric looked at the others.
"Look, um... Aurora, let's get that counterspell first, then we'll decide, okay?" Jonsey said.
Aurora looked at him and nodded. "Okay. Just follow me. I know how to avoid the guards."
Part 8
The Pythons glanced nervously around as they followed Aurora down a long hallway.
"I hope Aurora really does know how to avoid the guards," Gilliam muttered as they walked along quietly.
Suddenly Aurora stopped them. "Hang on," she said, waving into a nearby corridor. "I'll be right back. Wait here."
The Pythons all stared at each other as she hurried off.
"Now where is she going?" John asked, exasperated. "Does she realize that every moment we're here is a moment closer to being caught?"
"Just relax John, she must have had a good reason for leaving us for the moment," Eric said.
John narrowed his eyes at him. "I hope you aren't falling in love with her and letting your emotions get in the way of our escaping," he said.
Eric sighed. "No John, I am not falling in love with her. I just think she knows what she's doing." He sighed as John snorted. "Look, if she wasn't on our side, why did she knock out the guard?"
"To impress you, most likely," John muttered.
Eric sighed. "Oh, sod it," he muttered under his breath. "I'm not getting in an argument now."
After a few moments, Aurora returned carrying an armload of clothes. "These are guard uniforms. I figure that any moment the guard I knocked out will awaken and alert someone. If you are wearing these, I can say that I am helping you to search for the escaped prisoners."
"Hey, good idea," Eric said, smiling.
He quickly passed the guard uniforms to the other Pythons and Carol as Aurora pointed at her.
"I got one for you too. I don't know how you feel dressing up as a man since there are no female guards."
The Pythons chuckled.
"Don't worry about it. Carol is used to dressing up," Jonesy said, nudging Carol in the ribs.
Carol nodded as she began to pull on the guard uniform. "Don't worry. These guys have had me in much worse," she said.
Aurora nodded. "I'm glad you have no problem with it." She pointed to
the outfits. "I tried to get some that were about your size, I'm sorry if they aren't an exact fit."
"No, they're fine, I think," Gilliam said as the other Pythons nodded. "Just as long as no one else notices them, that's the main thing."
Suddenly, they heard a distant voice yelling....
"GUARDS! PRISONERS HAVE ESCAPED! ALARM!"
Aurora sighed. "I guess I got back to you in the nick of time, then. Sounds like the guard has awakened."
The Pythons looked at each other and groaned.
"Well, here it goes," Mike said. "Now we find out if we can pass for guards."
Aurora took a quick peek out. "It's okay right now. The guards haven't come back this far yet. Just follow me and act like you're on alert."
The Pythons nodded and all of them followed Aurora out of the corridor. As they walked along, all of them kept looking from left to right as if they were searching for someone. They all tensed as a guard ran past them and stopped for a moment to look at them before running on.
"So far, so good," Gilliam said. "Now if our luck will hold out till we get home."
They followed Aurora as she hurried down the corridor. She finally stopped at a large wooden door and pointed to it. "This is the door to Malachi's room," she said. "We have to be very careful going in and make sure he isn't going to see us." Aurora put her hand on the door. Suddenly, all of them froze when they heard a voice behind them.
"Aurora, what are you doing?" Balthazar demanded.
As he walked around the Pythons with another large, portly man, Eric quickly ducked behind John fearing that Balthazar would be able to identify him.
Balthazar stared at the Pythons. "Shouldn't you be looking for the escaped prisoners?" he demanded.
"We're protecting her Ladyship," Michael said.
"All of you?" Balthazar said, staring at them.
The Pythons fished around for something to say. Suddenly, they heard Graham speak up.
"The prisoners are rumored to be dangerous. We are just making sure that her Ladyship is safe."
The Pythons stared back at Graham and looked over at Balthazar who nodded.
"I see. Well, continue guarding her then. But, step back for a moment, I wish to speak to her."
As the Pythons moved back, Jonsey whispered to Graham. "Thanks Chapman for saving our bacon."
Graham shrugged. "I just figured it would be a good thing to say. It
sounds like something a guard would say." he said softly.
Jonsey nodded as the Pythons stopped a few feet away from where they had been standing.
"So, this is where you have been, daughter," Balthazar said, glaring at her.
He stared at the door behind her. "Why are you going into Malachi's quarters?"
"Well, I was going to go talk to him and see if there were any incantations he might be able to use to catch the escaped prisoners," Aurora said.
Balthazar nodded. "That can wait. First, I need you to come with me.
Your betrothed wishes to speak to you," he said, gesturing to the portly man beside him.
"So that's the little wanker," Eric mumbled. "No wonder Aurora wants to leave this place so badly. The guy looks like a bulldog."
Aurora glanced at the Pythons. "Father, I really should stay with the guards and help them search..."
"Are you questioning my orders, daughter, like you did earlier this evening?" Balthazar said, folding his arms over his chest.
"No, father," Aurora said, sighing.
The portly man snorted. "I see what you mean about needing to learn her place, Balthazar. Perhaps a few cracks on the back with a whip will teach her a lesson?"
Eric gritted his teeth. "You better not, you son of a bitch," he said as his
hands formed into fists.
Carol glanced over at him. "Eric, no, don't do anything," she said.
Eric glanced at her and sighed as he unclenched his fists. He glared at the portly man and Balthazar as they chuckled.
"Ah, a man after my own heart, Gabriel," Balthazar said, "After all, the Bible teaches us to spare the rod and spoil the child." He glared at Aurora. "Now obey your father and your Lord and come with us."
Aurora nodded. As they started back down the hall, Aurora ran to the Pythons. "Go ahead and go in, I don't think it's locked. Just wait for me and be careful."
The Pythons nodded reluctantly and watched as Aurora began to walk down the hall.
John looked at the others and made a move to open the door when he suddenly heard Balthazar cry out. "You there, guards? Aren't you supposed to follow us and protect her Ladyship?" he said, glaring at them.
The Pythons groaned. Taking one last look at the door, they all turned and followed Aurora down the hall.
Part 9
Aurora sighed as she sat at the huge table in the banquet room. She glanced over at the Pythons who were standing up against the wall in a line; all except for Eric, who was hiding behind them.
John sighed. “How long is this going to take?” he muttered.
***
“Daughter? Are you listening?” Balthazar said, angrily.
Aurora turned her attention back to Balthazar. “Yes, father. I’m listening,” she said, quietly.
Balthazar nodded and turned to Gabriel who was sitting on his right side.
“Then it is settled, the wedding will be in two days,” he said to him.
Gabriel nodded and stared across the table at Aurora with a leering look. Aurora stared back with a stone face, and she felt sick in the pit of her stomach.
Balthazar stared at her for a moment and then smiled at Gabriel. “Well, shall we adjourn in private and discuss the minor details of the wedding?”
Gabriel nodded, and as Balthazar got up and went past his daughter, he grabbed her face and got very close to it. “In two days you are going to be mine and believe me, I will teach you how to behave like a proper young
lady and that will include a heavy dose of the lash,” he said, squeezing her face. He roughly let go and walked away chuckling to himself as the Pythons glared at him.
As he left, John turned to the others. “Anyone else beginning to be in favor of taking Aurora back with us?” he asked.
The Pythons all nodded as Aurora walked up to them. “I’m so sorry for that. I had to sit there and listen, otherwise I would have been severely punished,” she said.
The Pythons nodded sadly, knowing all too well how true that statement was. They could just imagine the kind of torture she would suffer too.
After a moment, Aurora cleared her throat. “Perhaps we should go back and try to find the counterspell?” she asked.
The Pythons looked at each other and nodded. They followed Aurora as she led them back down the hallway towards Malachi’s quarters. They noticed around them that the guards had decreased in number and everything was quieting down. They wondered if maybe the guards had thought they had escaped outside and were concentrating their search there instead of indoors. Still, they were cautious as they made their way down the hall. As they walked, all of the Pythons could see Aurora’s body shake as she sobbed quietly to herself.
Eric bit his lip. “Guys, we have to take her back with us. We can’t let
her stay and be married to that ape,” he whispered to the others.
The Pythons glanced at each other.
“I agree with Eric. The way that guy acts, I don’t think Aurora would survive too long with him,” Gilliam said, quietly. “At the very least he’ll cripple her spirit.”
The Pythons nodded and looked at Eric. Eric cleared his throat as he hurried to catch up with Aurora.
“Hey Aurora,” he said. “We just had a discussion and we decided. You’re coming back with us.”
Aurora stopped and stared at Eric. “Really?” she said, tears coming to her eyes. “You really mean it?”
Eric nodded. “We don’t want you to live the rest of your life being beaten like a mule,” he said.
“Oh! Thank you!” Aurora said, overjoyed.
Before Eric could react, she threw her arms around him and gave him a kiss on the lips. Eric’s eyes widened in shock.
“I see Eric’s going to have his hands full once we get back,” John said to the others.
As Aurora pulled away, they could see Eric blush which only made the Pythons giggle more. Eric coughed nervously and backed away as Aurora smiled at him.
“Um, should… shouldn’t we get going again?” Eric stuttered out.
“Yeah, Eric needs to work off his chubby,” John muttered.
Eric glared at him as the others snickered. They followed Aurora back down the hall until the reached the door of Malachi’s quarters.
Aurora put her finger to her lips “Be quiet,” she said. “Just in case he’s in here.”
The Pythons nodded and Aurora opened the door very slowly. The Pythons flinched as it let out a creak and everyone paused for a moment and listened. Hearing nothing, Aurora opened it up until there was a crack
big enough for all of them to squeeze through and they went in. Aurora waited until they were in before grabbing a nearby torch from its holder and following them inside, closing the door behind her.
***
As they kicked up dust on the stairs, Mike began to cough. “Too bad vacuum cleaners haven’t been invented yet,” he gasped.
They reached the bottom of the stairs and noticed that no one was around. Breathing a sigh of relief, they followed Aurora over to a huge table and began to sort carefully through stacks of parchment and books.
“How do we know we’ve found the correct spell?” Jonesy asked, frowning.
Gilliam leaned over to Mike. “Forget vacuum cleaners, too bad staples haven’t been invented or a filing cabinet,” he said.
They searched around for the parchment, coughing as they moved around dust laden papers. Finally they heard Jonsey give out a squeal.
“Here’s the first spell!” he said, holding it up. He looked at the parchment that had been below it and squealed again. The Pythons groaned.
“I really wish you would stop doing that,” John said.
“Sorry guys, but I found it,” he said, pointing to the parchment.
“Are you sure?” Mike asked.
Jonsey nodded. “Says right in this notation at the top that it’s the counterspell to the time travel spell and that it sends you back to where you originally came from.”
The Pythons looked at each other and grinned.
“Well, what are we waiting for?” John said. “Read it.”
Jonsey nodded.
Suddenly, they heard the door opened and footsteps heading down. The Pythons looked at each other and all of them and Aurora shoved themselves under the table just as the man reached the bottom step. As they stared at the thin, balding man, they looked over at Aurora.
“Malachi,” she whispered.
Part 10
The Pythons all groaned softly as they watched Malachi move over to the table. All of them stiffened as he stood directly in front of them. As they heard him rifling through some papers on the table, he suddenly moved his foot and the Pythons watched horrified as a cloud of dust was kicked up directly in front of Jonesy’s face. John clamped his hand over Jonsey’s
mouth and nose as he saw him wrinkle his face up.
“Don’t you dare, Terry,” he whispered in his ear.
Suddenly, the Pythons froze as they heard a tiny sneeze come out of John’s hand. They looked up as they heard Malachi stop rummaging through his papers.
“What was that?” they heard him ask himself.
John groaned softly and Jonesy widened his eyes and they saw his legs begin to bend. Suddenly, to everyone’s shock, Aurora moved away from her place beside Eric and climbed out as Eric mouthed “Aurora” silently. They saw Malachi’s legs straighten up.
“What is the meaning of this? What were you doing under there?” they heard him say as they saw him turn towards Aurora.
“I… was picking up some papers I’d dropped,” Aurora said.
“Why are you in here at all?” Malachi demanded.
“Well, the truth is, I was looking for you.”
“Oh? Why?”
“Well… you’ve heard of the escaped prisoners?” Aurora asked.
“Yes, I did. I was outside gathering herbs when it happened,” he said.
“Well, I’m afraid for my life. These prisoners are rumored to be sorcerers and witches. So, I wondered if you had a spell that could defeat them.”
The Pythons watched as she moved closer to Malachi.
“Because I know what a great sorcerer you really are,” she said, in dulcet tones.
The pythons heard Malachi cough. “Well, yes, yes I am,” he said proudly.
All of the Pythons looked at each other and rolled their eyes.
“And you are so irresistibly handsome too,” Aurora said, seductively.
“Oh, puke,” Mike whispered.
“You really think so?” Malachi said, pleased.
“I always have. In fact, I would love for you to meet me up in my room and we can have a little time together, just you and me.”
“Ugh, I think I’m gonna be sick,” John whispered.
“But what about the prisoners?” Malachi asked.
“Oh, we don’t need to worry about them. After all, the greatest sorcerer in the world will be there to protect me,” she said.
The Pythons heard kissing.
“What if your father finds out?” Malachi asked, suddenly fearful.
“I won’t tell if you won’t.”
Malachi hesitated for a moment. “Agreed,” he finally said. “I will meet you up in your quarters then?”
“Yes, you go on ahead. I have to go inform the guards to keep watch in case the prisoners should come back.”
The Pythons looked at each other and stuck out their tongues as they heard more sounds of kissing.
“What the Hell is she doing?” Gilliam muttered. “I thought she was coming back with us, and now she’s going upstairs to shag this guy? Does that mean we have to wait on her?”
“God, I hope not. We’re already pushing it just being in here,” Eric muttered back.
“Not to mention the fact that I’ll probably be burned at the stake or hanged in the morning,” Carol whispered.
“Well come, my Lady, to bed then,” Malachi said.
They watched as both pairs of legs walked away and they saw Aurora ascend the stairs followed by Malachi who was staring at her with a lustful look in his eyes. As soon as they heard the door open and shut, they scrambled out from under the table and stared at the stairs.
“So, is she coming with us?” Jonsey asked, staring at the stairs in confusion.
“Surely, she wouldn’t want to stay here and shag that guy,” Mike said. “Especially since she would have to marry the human bulldog in a few days.”
They heard the door open again and all of them scrambled back underneath the table. They all breathed a sigh of relief as they saw Aurora come into view.
“It’s okay. I got rid of him. I told him to go up and wait for me,” she said, smiling at them.
“That’s a relief. We thought for a moment you actually were gonna go off with the guy,” Eric said.
“No, why would I want him when I have you?” she said, rubbing his cheek.
Eric blushed as the Pythons elbowed each other and grinned.
“Look Aurora, about that, I’m not really ready for a commitment right now. Can’t we just be good friends instead?” Eric said.
“You don’t want me? Am I not pretty?” Aurora said, frowning.
“No, no, you’re beautiful. It’s just that I was married and it didn’t go so well and I’m not interested in a relationship right now,” Eric said.
Aurora looked at him and nodded. “Okay, if that is what you wish. I will be your friend then.”
Eric smiled at her. “Thanks, I appreciate it.”
“For the time being, anyway,” Aurora said, winking.
Eric looked back and glared at the Pythons as they began to sblack person again. He looked at Aurora and cleared his throat.
“Well, shall we be off then?”
He nodded back to Jonsey as the Pythons grouped together. Jonsey opened his mouth to recite the chant when all of a sudden they heard the door open.
“I forgot to get that transformation spell I was looking for,” they heard Malachi say to himself as he came down the stairs.
“Now, Jonsey, now!” John hissed. “Read it while we have a fucking chance.”
Jonsey nodded. “Um, recite this chant, this spell in hand, and you’ll end up where you began."
“What is this?” Malachi said, as he reached the bottom of the stairs. He ran towards the Pythons and Aurora just as a bright light enveloped them. They felt the bottom drop out beneath them and when the light faded, they were in Malachi’s quarters, only now it was bare and in ruins.
“I think we’re back!” Jonsey exclaimed.
“And not a moment too soon,” Gilliam said. “I think Malachi was just about to grab me before we disappeared.
“Incredible.”
They turned and looked at Aurora who was staring at the cold, dark, room.
John looked at the others. “I hope we did the right thing by bringing her with us.”
The other Pythons nodded. Eric gently took Aurora’s hand and they all climbed the crumbling steps back up to the ground floor of the castle.
***
“I’m to be stabbed?” Aurora looked at Eric, confused. “I’m going to die then?”
“No, not for real. But you have to pretend to die,” Eric said.
“And… John is going to stab me with a false sword while he runs past me?”
“Yeah,” Eric said, nodding. “He’s going on a phony rampage and pretending to kill all these wedding guests. When he gets to you, just let out a scream and drop where you are,” Eric said, pointing to the courtyard.
“Um… okay, Eric. You know more about this… movie… than I do,” she said, frowning. She stared at Eric’s guard costume. “And you are going to be… killed… as well,” she said.
“Yeah, John runs up the stairs and onto the second floor and stabs me and Graham. Then, when he tries to rescue the princess, he finds it’s a man.”
Aurora stared at Eric “And you find this humorous?”
“Um… yeah, because the man is kinda foppish and he’s the one who asks Lancelot to rescue him in the first place.”
“And that was when you got shot with the fake arrow while pretending to be Lancelot’s horse.”
“Yup.”
Aurora shook her head. “This is a very strange play you are putting on, Eric. I don’t think I understand much of it. I’ve heard the Arthurian legends before and I don’t recall hearing about Lancelot murdering a bunch of wedding guests in order to rescue a man or Galahad being trapped by a
bunch of virgin maidens in a castle that uses the Holy Grail for a beacon or tall knights demanding Arthur get them bushes and chop down the trees with fish.”
“Well… uh… we have weird ideas.”
“Indeed.” Aurora said. She shrugged. “Well, if it means I won’t have to marry Gabriel than I shall go along with being slaughtered by an insane
Lancelot,” she said, smiling.
“Hey, it could be worse, you know. You could be rolling in shit and eating mud like Mike has to do.”
Aurora giggled. “I must admit that was amusing seeing Michael become
angry and thrash about in the mud like that,” she said, giggling.
Eric laughed. “Well, be glad you were there to witness it because that was probably one of the only times you’ll see Michael Palin lose it,” he said.
They looked up as Jonsey walked into the courtyard followed by the other extras, John, and Graham.
“Okay, everyone, places,” he said.
Aurora squeezed Eric’s hand and kissed him on the cheek. “I shall see you after I am done being slaughtered.”
Eric laughed. “Yup, same here.”
Chuckling, he went past Aurora and up the stairs with Graham to prepare for the scene.
THE END
