The ringing of the alarm clock pounded into Brian's hand as he slammed down on it. He looked at the time and sighed. Five A.M. *Shit* He thought. *Was God so picky about the time? Couldn't they start morning services at noon?*
Sighing deeply, he sat up in bed and looked across the room at the nuns habit he and Charlie had been forced to wear for the past few days. He dreaded stuffing his body into that tight, itchy outfit again. He wondered how the hell the other nuns could stand it day in and day out.
*Well, might as well get it over with* he thought as he stood up and stretched. Reaching down to scratch his ass, he walked over to the habit and looked with distaste at the bra that lay atop it all. He thanked God silently that he was a man as he stretched the stiff bra over his chest. Reaching around behind his back, he did the clasps and grabbed the handkerchiefs on the chair. Stuffing them into the front, he walked over to the mirror and checked himself. *Jesus, I look like a bloody freak!* he thought. He prayed that Casey wouldn't find him like this, he really didn't want to die looking like a woman.
He jumped at the loud knocking on his door. He began to speak, but caught himself before he used his normal voice. He cleared his throat. "Come in!" he said in a crackly, falsetto voice that made him wince at the sound of it. How anyone managed to buy that they were women, he'd never know.
He breathed a sigh of relief as Charlie stuck his head around the door. Charlie chuckled as he spied Brian in his bra and jockey shorts. "We're a slow dresser, aren't we, Sister Euphemia?" he said in a mocking falsetto voice as he walked into the room and closed the door.
"Well, some of us don't wake up in the morning anxious to get our habit on, dearie," Brian replied as he carried the black hose over to the bed and sat down.
Charlie gave him a dirty look as he walked over to the mirror. He put his makeup down on the dresser and began to rub base on his face as Brian carefully put on the hose. "I had to duck in here," he said in his normal voice. "Sister Mary is roaming the halls again."
Brian rolled his eyes. Ever since they had crashed down on her bed trying to sneak back into the convent, she had been up all night searching for the two men who had tried to "rape" her. Brian snorted. Anyone who would try to rape her would be knocked out by the smell of booze on her breath.
As Brian fastened the belt on the front of his habit, he looked over at Charlie who was giving him an evil stare. Brian looked down. "What? Is my bra crooked?"
"Don't!" Charlie said.
"Don't what?"
"See her again!"
Brian sighed. Ever since he visited his girlfriend Faith in the sick ward, Charlie had been hassiling him about it. "I had to visit her, Charlie! I had to make sure she was alright!"
Charlie grabbed Brian by the collar and shoved him to the bed. "Are you nuts?" He said. "You're gonna get all of us killed, Faith included!"
Brian nodded. He knew that he had taken a big risk seeing her, but he just couldn't help himself. It was his fault she had been shot. He had been the one to get her the job at Casey's club and he had took off without her when the Triads and Abbott and Morley had been shooting at them. He was responsible for her arm, and he wasn't just going to ignore it, no matter how much danger he was in. And now, according to the girls at the party, she had been kidnapped by the Triads and ended up in the hospital. It made Brian's blood boil thinking of her being tortured by those bastards.
"Alright, alright! Let's just get the money and get the hell outta here!" Brian said hatefully as he opened the door. Looking left and right, he continued to the bathroom at the end of the hall. He opened the door and seeing that the bathroom was empty, he went in and shut the door and locked it. As he peaed into the toilet he laid his head on the wall and sighed. He couldn't leave her, he just couldn't. He didn't care what anyone thought. She was coming with them. If it meant being caught and going to jail, then so be it!
He opened the door and jumped when he saw Sister Mary standing in front of it. He felt he was going to puke from the rank odor of liquor on her breath. He swallowed back his nausea and smiled. "Up early?" He said in his falsetto voice as he hurried past her.
"We always are!" Mary said as she ran into the bathroom.
Brian walked past Charlie at the dresser making a gagging noise as he went to the bed. "I can't stand that woman's breath!" he said in a low voice. "How about you?" He turned around to see that Charlie was no longer in the room. He walked to the dresser and froze when he noticed that his razor and shaving cream was missing.
He looked up suddenly as he heard Mary's voice outside the door. "You know, I saw two men last night."
"Oh, I'm sure it was just a nightmare!" Charlie said in a condesending tone.
"Yes, but was it real?" she said in a suspicious tone.
*Shit, shit, shit...* Brian thought.
"Your face! It's all stubby. You've got a beard! YOU'RE A MAN! MEN, THEY'RE BOTH MEN! MEN, THEY'RE BOTH MEN!"
Brian ran out the door as Charlie grabbed Mary and pulled her kicking and screaming back to the room. As Brian grabbed from behind, he ducked and dodged as Mary flailed her arms in an attempt to get free. Bringing her into the room, they shoved her in a chair as Brian held her down with every ounce of strength he had. He wished he hadn't used up all his valium on that women in the bank.
As he considered decking her, he noticed that she had gone quiet and her face had frozen in horror. He turned around to see Charlie holding a gun. "Shut up or you're dead!" he said menacingly as he shoved the gun in her face.
As Mary sat in shock, Charlie ran to the lamp on the dresser and pulled the cord out of it. Brian grabbed a cloth under the washbasin and used it as a gag on Mary as Charlie tied her to the chair with the cord.
Once she was secure, Charlie and Brian ran out of the room and down the stairs to the locked cupboard. Brian pulled as hard as he could at the door, cursing the other Sister Mary for being stupid enough to lose the key. As he pulled, he noticed, out of the corner of his eye, the fire axe on the wall. Pointing desparately to it, he yelled over to Charlie, "Grab that axe!"
Charlie lifted the axe from the wall and as Brian stood back, he chopped open the door. Brian and Charlie quickly grabbed the suitcases. As they turned to go, Brian tripped on the floor and watched in horror as all the money spilled out. Desparately, they scooped it back up into the suitcase. They almost had it all back in when Brian noticed several shadows on the floor. Looking up, he noticed all the sisters staring at them with Sister Liz at the front, glaring sternly.
"Don't you think you'd better explain?" she said.
Brian knew the jig was up. "Uh..." he said in his normal voice. "Well, this is money, obviously, and we took it from the Triad gang, they're drug traffickers."
Sister Liz's mouth dropped open. "You're men!" she said incredulously.
Brian felt like a total ass. "Oh, yeah..." he said sheepishly.
Charlie looked over at him. "And we want desparately to get out of organized crime."
Liz shook her head. "You stole money because you wanted to get out of crime?"
"Oh...it was stolen already before we stole it!" Brian said.
The Elderly Sister Mary snorted. "A likely story!"
"But don't you see, it's just that the good guys have got it now instead of the bad guys!" Charlie said quickly.
Brian nodded. "It's like Robin Hood. You see, we stole from the rich to give to the poor." He could tell by the look in Sister Liz's face that she wasn't buying any of it.
Sister Liz crossed her arms. "Who are you going to give that money to?"
Brian quickly snapped the clasps shut on the suitcase. "Us...We're poor!" he said. He groaned inwardly as Liz's eyes narrowed at him. One day, he'd have to learn not to be such a smartass. Especially, when he was trying to get out of a sticky situation like this.
"Hand's up!"
Everyone looked up as Mary, freed from her bonds, was waving the gun at all of them.
"Mary, put that gun down!" Liz said sternly.
Charlie pointed up to the gun. "It's ok! It's mine! It's not loaded!"
Brian looked over at Charlie and mouthed *Why the hell did you say that?*
Liz spun around to glare at Charlie "It's yours?" She turned and yelled at the elderly Mary. "The Police!"
"You bet!" Mary said a little too eagerly.
Brian closed his eyes and pictured being someone's bitch in a dirty jail cell.
"Wait!"
His eyes flew open as he watched Charlie move forward on his knees in supplication. "I'm a Catholic, I want absolution!"
Liz sneered at him. "Absoulution is only possible with repentance!'
"I repent!" he said quickly.
Brian decided to copy him "So do I!" he said, adopting the same pose.
"Fat chance!" the elderly Mary bellowed.
"Shut up!" Charlie bellowed back.
To their surprise, Liz spun around too. "Yes! Shut up Mary!" As Mary stood with her mouth hanging open, she turned back around to them. "If you repent, hand that stolen money over to me!"
"Why should you get it?" Brian asked testily.
"Shut up Brian!" Charlie said. To Liz, he said, "You see Sister, we work for a gang boss who has associates in every jail in the country. We wouldn't be there for more than twenty four hours before we had a fatal accident!"
Encouraged by the sisters shocked gasps, Brian decided to plead his case. "And I'm in love! And If I go to jail, what'll happen to my girl?" He gulped imagining Casey going after her too.
"Besides," Charley said solemly, "I really do repent, really."
Liz sighed. "I don't know whether I believe any of this."
Brian had had enough. "Well that's your problem sister!" he said. He grabbed his briefcase and with the nuns pointing he and Charlie ran out the door. "From now on, it's every nun for himself!"
